Like a lump.

The less I do, the less I want to do. I'm melting into the sofa bed, watching umpteen episodes of Six Feet Under, listening to awesome music, feeling far from awesome myself. There are so many options in what to do it scares me. At the same time, I'm not doing any of it. I don't seem to have much energy; I don't feel energized. Right now, I'm blaming this city. Paris is not my city, I tell people. I don't feel inspired here. Strangers don't talk and meet and share in the same way as in London or Perth or Edinburgh or New York. People seem so scared of experience. But is it the city? Or is it me? And will it change if I leave? Will I change if I leave? And how do I leave without money? And why is it so damn hard to get a job here? And oh how much easier it is to sit here, watching and melting into passivity.