Wearing a habit.

I'm going to embarrass myself. I'd like to talk about habits. Funny how we create patterns, don't you think? How we do something again, in the same way, again and again. We know the result, how it will change or preserve a state of being. And we do it again, again and again. I suppose a habit is an action started consciously and maintained unconsciously. This can make habits difficult to spot in oneself, because it's often something that has become so natural that we no longer notice it. Like the fact people wear clothes. We don't notice people wear clothes because it's so normal, so natural, so unconscious. We don't ask ourselves whether or not we should get dressed in the morning. In the same way, I don't question myself when I twist my hair to breaking point around my left index finger, or when I twitch and look to the right or left or above a person when they're talking to me. I do question myself when picking up a cigarette, lighting it and inhaling, but I continue anyway. I guess the fact I briefly question smoking every time I pull one out of the packet has become a habit too. It almost excuses the act itself.**

I derive great pleasure from picking the sleep out of my eyes in the morning and raising my finger to the light to see the shadow of the mound the little lump makes. I also routinely pick my belly button, pushing it in then pulling it out to make a prunish donut shape. Our bodies are rife with habit-forming possibilities. I cherish the sound and the feeling of cracking my toes and my bones locking in. Scraping my cuticles also entertains me, although I am totally unable to push them down with one of those wooden sticks as I find the feeling unbearable.

When eating, I don't like large forks. You may not have noticed, but some forks are large, some are normal-sized and some are thin and delicate. It's the thin and delicate kind I like best, though I will use normal-sized forks too. Writing this, I feel ridiculous. Are habits ridiculous? I can use a larger fork, I'm not totally averse to the idea, but habit works against it.

Hopefully, I did what I said I would and embarrassed myself. Now, it's your turn. Tell me about a habit you have. Yes, the three people who actually read my blog, I'm talking to you.

**Not true, of course. But it's a habit. So leave me alone.